Exclusive Clubs Are Exclusionary

12/1/10

In 2004 same-sex marriage was such a wedge issue that conservatives used it to get George W. Bush reelected (and win lots of congressional seats) in spite of a flagging economy, two wars, and tax and energy policies that showed downright contempt for the very people he was supposed to be serving.

Their strategy was a familiar one, using fear to motivate their base. Gay marriage was unnatural. It was a sin and immoral. It was the very tip of a very slippery slope that would allow people to marry their dogs. Interestingly, these are all the same arguments used against interracial marriage back in the day.

One year, on the long drive from Virginia to Ohio, I asked Kathie if she was interested in a little mock debate about gay marriage. I’d take the anti stance.

My argument was that marriage was an institution that honored a relationship between a man and a woman. It was a way to formally recognize a union, and provide a secure place for love and children. It was an invention of a society that wanted all those things. It was invented by heteros, for heteros. So why let gay couples crash the gate? Why don't they get their own institution?

It’s a decent sounding argument . . . until you realize that the deck is stacked. There is no “separate but equal” institution for gay couples to turn to. There are civil unions, which give gay couples a lot of the same legal benefits that marriage provides, but none of the social recognition or acceptance.

Edit on 1/21/11: I found this quote from Elton John today, and it says what I wanted better than anything originally in this post. "As a gay man. I think I have it all," he said. "I have a wonderful career, a wonderful life. I have my health, I have a partner of 17 years and I have a son. And you know what, I don't have everything, because I don't have the respect of people like the church, and people like politicians who tell me that I am not worthy or that I am 'less than' because I am gay."
The reality is that marriage is a way for people who love each other to share that love with friends and family, to say out loud things that had only been said in whispers, to get affirmation that their love is good and right. I can’t for the life of me imagine why that should be the sole domain of people who just happened to be born with the "right" orientation.